i have a boyfriend.
i have a house in lorne (moving there in january)
i have a wealth of information gleaned from the infinite books ive been reading.
i have money.
i have started making jewellery.
hence, happiness.
my most fun thing so far has been making matching boy and girl version rings for my boyfriend and i :)
i am absolutely obsessed with pamela love jewellery; so incredibly beautiful. im also really excited to discover she uses brass and copper, which i have really enjoyed working with.
i'm not sure how much longer i'll keep this blog...
been seeing lots of friends. been not getting much sleep staying up late doing homework. i saw an opera by the knife... so strange. i've been meditating as of monday 2 weeks ago. it's so calming and lovely, but with so much homework some days it's impossible to find the time.
ilya's extended his trip so he is back mid november... this entire time i've had one friend over once. surprisingly, with that and no boys whatsoever, i am quite content alone.
first local beach walk of this summer, combing for mermaid's tears.
i decided to suck it up and get proactive in enjoying life.
so many catch ups and dinners with friends. one was at mamasita's with 2 new friends... we spetn $180 on the most incredible range of food and delicious wine. all paid for! i ate TONGUE for the first time and it was so good.
yesterday it was hot and parklife and grand final we tripped in the gardens.
really, truly, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
after we went to a boy's house who i'd once been a leader to at arts camp. very funny, and he was really sweet. plans to surf together. going to alice's. jumping into the pool with clothes on. 4 person shower. neurofen. rice with soy and pesto. new friends. cab to mercat. line for ages. seeing love interest and realising they're not the amazing person i'd had in my head. middle aged american woman clubbing alone telling us we seem mean. so many old friends. so many new friends. all amazing and telling me they love me. being told i'm AMAZING so many times- incredible. told i was incredible also. babysitting a new friend in a big australian band only to have him repeatedly try to kiss me and half cry and plead for me to come to bed with him. craaaaazy. i'm so loved up on friendship it's fantastic, totally kills my need to find a man. however, made eyes with a boy who knowing me i will hopefully meet soon because he was beautiful.
i got home and had the longest shower and hopped into new sheets, only to wake up for work a few hours later. it's so sunny and amazing.
it has finally got to the point where i have realised my fantasies are so much better than reality that i don't even see a point in leaving the house. i wonder if i could let go of reality in something like a meditative state i could be in a perpetual state of fantasy. is that what happens to people when they go insane?
a friend's housemate found a collection of thrown away diaries in sydney. they are really difficult to read but describe a girl's relationship and obsession with a married australian radio star. endless lists of what he played on a particular day, what he likes, dislikes... what he did to her... what he made her to do him... what happened to her?
sometimes i feel like if i tense up and hold my breath hard enough i could make all the particles in my body explode into a zillion pieces, just out of helplessness for life.
I've had conversations with a few 28 year olds recently. they are ones who are living their dreams; designers, or in really successful australian bands... but they seem just as lost and confused about life as I am . and tell me I'm so wise for my age.
I'm constantly restless. I'm reading Truman Capote's In Cold Blood.
There is a race of men that don't fit in,
A race that can't stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin
And roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood
And they climb the mountains crest.
Theirs is the curse of gypsy blood
And they don't know how to rest.
easier to retreat into my head right now, i'm so impatient for SOMETHING.
after a month and a half of working full time i went to bali.
my camera died :(
wakeup every morning at 5 or 6 am to join a surf group. we surfed 4-5 hours a day, piling into cars according to our skill level and driving off to different beaches, past towns, rice patties, temples, sacred cows, endless motorbikes, to find the perfect waves.
the green room:
nothing can compare to the feeling of being so excited and scared as when you are about to catch a big wave. being around people who share the sense of being so free, with such an appreciation of the simplest of what nature has to offer- something that has been around since the beginning of earth... the sea.
i had a forbidden romance with a half-german half-french guide stemmed from a yoga session with him in a dark, hot garden lit by the full moon. on the last night i stayed with him in a one room apartment where you had to climb out on the ledge of the building to get to the bathroom. i don't think i slept one second that night, i felt every single second pass in amazement of my trip. in the morning he was my guide. the waves were perfect.
hate when crushes who you finally decide you are absolutely infatuated with move away.
after a week of 12 hours sleep and one all nighter i am FINISHED. just in time for winter.
dumplings. rugging up. white wine. television. helping friends move from their burnt down house. bike riding. possum beanies. japanese. cleaning up the old ksubi shop for an exhibition. watching friend's bands play. watching friends dj. curled up in dimly lit bars laughing with friends over the cheapest drinks after beer. old friends. new friends. matching dimples. winter beach walks. fairy penguins finding their beds. red wine somewhere warm. waking up to the sound of rain under a big white doona with a bare back faced away from you.
A 10 year old died of cancer in Lorne last week. He knew he was going to die for an entire year. Old enough to know what he was going to miss out on. His entire body was riddled with it. Everyone weeped at the funeral in the rain. A baby was born at 11:11 in Lorne last night. She was 9 days overdue; overcooked they said. She has a red suction mark on her head, but is healthy. Her parents are young and will live by the beach. Everyone was smiling over champagne in the sun. Surfing after sundown, squinting eyes to see in the fog filled darkness. Cockatoos waking you up to see the sunrise through the gum trees. Watching the ocean from a cliff, laughing at our friends falling off huge waves. Dim sims, wedges, smoothies and bare feet in the late autumn sun. Talks of having babies young, and together, to pass on the same friendship. Playful slaps planned to best memorise the feeling of touch. Winter is coming, and loneliness is an invisible blanket separating us all.
Best start to a song. Reminds me of hungover mornings still sleepy driving along the great ocean road, feet out the window, looking for the best surf.
I am pretty boring at the moment, but I'm trying. Funny because I'm not bored at all, but there's no sodding time to be bored in my life anymore!
My study is a pile of about 25 library books on Modernism, model making equipment, models, and a ridiculous amount of scattered A3 tracing paper sheets with drawings on them.
I go out but haven't been to a club this year. Infinite bars... oh god so much cider and vodka and wine. AND NOW IT IS COLD. dinner party next week.
and this weekend LORNE again. can't wait it MAKES MY HEART SING. can't wait.
I mean- SOMETHING FABULOUS HAS HAPPENED THAT I CANNOT DISCUSS.
NEXT.
a 20 year old poet with a liver necklace
a 25 year old creative writer who wears skirts
a 21 year old musician with long blonde hair
a 24 year old dj with eyes like moons
a 20 year old plumber from the ocean
i. will. steal. bits. of. you. all. to. fill. my. brain. with. amazing.
NEXT.
i now run this room on sundays for $120.
i don't really give a shit whether you buy clothing/jewellery/furniture guy, i do care however that you are a spectacular contender for a serial rapist now please get away.
if i had a rapid speed camera i would take photos of hot boys on bikes and make BABESONBIKES.COM
laybying
1 x claude maus shirt dress
1 x fake fur hooded cape
because i will be a BAT for winter.
i can't stand to see my friends every night putting things up their noses anymore.
ahh lorne. main street shops owned by my friends: moon's cafe, pizza pizza, bottle of milk, cuda bar, and that little boutique at the end. hi this is my puppy butchy boy. actually anyone you love is butch, so everyone is butch. walking barefoot through rainforests. finding a clearing with a natural rock waterslide. drawing on giant rocks in the sun. fish and chips. art gallery in a forest. evenings at the den. nights at the cuda bar. the bigger a weirdo you can act the more fun you have. constant drunken use of an ebay tattoo gun. wake up hungover and straight into the car. climbing down cliffs in wetsuits. not even a problem. jumping off rocks into the ocean. s u r f i n g - f l y i n g . no talking of emotions because everyone just knows. everything is everyone's so so are people. in girls clothes in boys clothes it's all everyones anyway. unhappiness is not even an option. we share kisses and beds to remind us that we are young a n d f r e e .
watching old movies (are balenciaga shoulders inspired by her?)
weekends are for play.
flirting with boys, too much drinking, making new friends, having far too much fun with old ones.
last week i went to this celebrity's birthday party with my friend who is one of her besties. she had this incredibly lush VIP tent at a huge bar and there were only around 8 of us and you could get any drink you wanted but the table in the middle was always filled with cristal and jagerbombs and g&ts and cocaine.
because this year my romantic life has been failure after failure and i'm looonely, plus i am hideously ill with the worst infected eyes and throat from golden plains, today i was particularly miserable.
until i was walking past shops near uni and heard the most beautiful noise that made me smile right away.
it was this guy. and now he is mine.
stanley you are a heartthrob.
in other news, this is clever http://chewedbytuesday.com/JANstore-chewed.html
i started interior design last week, it's cool because the campus is tiny and only for design students, but bad because only 1 person spoke to me. my mum supposes it's either because of my lipring, or because i have "unusual eyes".
golden plains = golden rains. mornings of ciders and shnitzel salads sitting in the lush grass overlooking the stage in the sunshine, nights of wild grapefruit vodka dancing in gumboots in the mud, rainjackets soaked through and everyone absolutely drenched. saturday night sucked a fair amount of prong as the main dj introduced as "Australia's Best DJ" - was DJ Ransom, who pretty much ended up being the polar opposite and most people went to bed early wanting to noose themselves.
just before Tame Impala played at sunset, organisers came on stage and told us that a storm was coming so we should all get our rain jackets, gumboots, and secure our tents. they told us if it hailed we should avoid trees and seek shelter in our cars. as tame impala's guitars wailed in their dreamy luscious ways the storm clouds rolled over.
it rained heavier and heavier and all we could do was either do our best to cover ourselves, or embrace the fact that it was raining through our jackets and from every angle, drenching us. It reminded me of my favourite clip from woodstock, although about a millionth of the size. everyone was smiling whether they liked it or not, because there was no escaping it. love, baby, love.
by 10pm the ampitheatre was packed as everyone danced spastically to 80s music like Rush by Big Audio Dynamite in the heaviest rain imaginable, drenched and giddy with joy as we embraced the weather wholeheartedly and sought refuge at the flamingo bar for drinks.
sunrise was at 7, after having watched people attempt to dance to a 1.45 hr dub step set from abandoned eskys on the hill, seeing a guy passed out on the ground from peeing with his penis hanging out of his pants, mistaking endless cans for feet, and having jumped up and down non-stop to the final set which ended at 5am.
today about 25 of us packed up our huge campsite in another storm which ended up being so incredibly shit that we had to laugh about it. my personal favourite crap time though, was approximately 4am this morning when some huge creep 35-ish year old male 4 metres away in a white raincoat decided it would be a fantastic idea to stop dancing with his friends and instead stare at me facing me for approximately half an hour.
fashion wise as i have just officially quit my job i am avoiding shops. i am however absolutely frothing over my alpha60 long skirt (but i have it in charcoal)- incred with clogs.
and assorted alexander wang singlets , teeshirts & jackets which i am entirely convinced were made for me... as a broad shouldered girl with a laid back smart casual style who likes to show my back. spot on alexander, spot on.
aaaand my new lovers:
gift from my papa. pulling them out of the blank shoe bag and seeing first the red undersole- i die.
incredibly tall and incredibly wearable. besides those purchases from a while ago, the only thing i could afford to splurge on recently is finaaally MAC dark lipstick. i bought "cyber", the closest thing to black, which snapped at the base at golden plains. kill me. it's still useable though.
SOUND OF MY BRAIN (esp from 0:55) (and band i've been getting into)
anyway so great weekend in the end but i have little voice, swollen throat, eye infection, lip infection- in otherwords, not so spot on.
so after my huge transformation of my bedroom at my dad's, i was called to my mama's house to pack up my life as we're downsizing---> i'm moving full time into my dad's house. there is NO room in my bedroom at the moment, arghhhh. today i spent the entire day cleaning and packing and throwing out and i still have 2 garbage bags up to my waist of clothing i want to keep and somehow have to fit into this:
Anyway I found this china venetian clown doll I always HATED as a child because i thought she was so scary. but now i am amazed at how beautiful she is, and how her clothes are silk, velvet and ostrich feather.
It just continued my pondering of how much food I tried at the end of last year that I'd hated as a child and found I loved it. Beetroot, bananas, plain milk, tofu(of which silken is the greatest food known to man, ESPECIALLY agadashi tofu), and all these clothes and shoes my dad bought for me as a child which i hated and now wear all the time.
So, when it comes time to do these inevitable culls that come naturally with moving in life, how do we know what right to get rid of? How do we know what we will not regret getting rid of? I suppose it's like worries a little. Sometimes you just have to accept that while it may seem important, it's useless and you'll be fresher and better off without it. Love.
1. these clogs. can't wait til i can afford a pair. bank = $88. eek.
2. the chanel temporary tattoos. can't believe they're actually available and people are in waitlists, when yeaaars ago we used to paint on jewellery. i saw this AMAZING picture of one but annoyingly i can't find it online, but i'll try to scan it. let's hope no more lara bingle types do it though. next trend?
cool (especially with CLOGS)
awful:
3. mixed media illustration, partiiiicularly involving sewing. i bought this fantastic book called 'illustration play' and they have some amazing stuff. anyway, i'm experimenting with it and it's super fun
