we can do it softcore if you want

Waking up from an acid reverie, looking to my left and seeing an old lover, another on my right, my ex boyfriend beside the one to my left, and looking down to see the lover I was infatuated with for months with his head in my lap. 

Magnificent creatures who tell me I have amazing eyes. Beautiful, dreamlike, and now I am so confused. So, this weekend, I escape to Meredith.

I went to a Marie Antoinette Champagne picnic.

GUTEN TAG BITCHES

YO CHECK OUT MY BREAKFAST IN ALL ITS GLORY:

Alright so not much has been happening because I'm in this sort of awkward faux-swotvac limbo, where I have many days between my dreaded examinations. This morning I realised that I had not submitted the essay I handed in yesterday online also; a requirement. The F Bomb was dropped in excess.

Soundtrack for this entry:

So what's new? Well, next weekend is my 21st birthday party! Pretty exciting, although i have so much to sodding well do. Particularly get someone to graffitti on these sheets for the wall blehhhh.

My days: Rooftop sunbathing listening to lectures on my iPod, bike riding in the breeze, avoiding the jellyfish of Port Melbourne water, too many visits to Albion street house.

My nights: Rooftop drinking with local drop-ins, melancholy walks in the heat, wondering why the most lovely boy ever is stealing kisses from me.

Current disaster predition: I keep having this reoccurring thought that at my party, some guy might key onto the fact that I have been with a few boys, and that they will proceed to stand up on a table and ask "Who in here has been with (moi) this year?" And then many hands will go up and mass horror will ensue. I also have the slight dilemma that 4 boys think I'm seeing them. And I have to somehow break it to the lovely one that no one knows about him and that I can't be with him because it will hurt people.

I miss the days where parents did tricky things for you.

ONWARDS AND INTO THE SUNSHINEEEE

Xx

swotvac.

"He couldn't speak, because every time he opened his mouth, birds flew out.
This only happens, he wrote on my arm, when I wake up needing nothing."

That summarises how I feel right now, when I'm distracted from my pending death through multi-choice dots and a 2B pencil. Armed with my student number, I plunge on.

I try not to write about boys in this, but I've met someone who I'm not quite sure is real. He'd discovered the world over the past 7 months, while I discovered free love and how to stay up well past daybreak. When I think of my "Things that would make my perfect boy", I literally cannot think of one thing that isn't him. I don't want a boy. I don't need a boy. I'm scared out of my wits but deleriously excited and I don't know what to do but hold on tight and open my eyes wide so as not to miss one second. The other day we drove listening to the Garden State soundtrack, singing into the wind. On Monday we'd known each other 8 days and spent 91 hours together.

Halloween with some people I love so much. These are my 2 favourite photos in a long time:

<3 x x xx x x

old school

Dear world (or should I say Eduina)
I know I catch onto things late but I promise this really is the best song at the moment

Anyway, I've had a pretty busy past few weeks, including a trip to Sydney which was really lovely, although my favourite place was the suburb of the boy I stayed with, called Tamarama, next to Bondi. Lovely street corner cafes, flowery streets, and an amazing walk down all these old steps through jungle to get to the beach.

Random events have continued to happen of course, including wasabi pourers exploding while servings me

and first poking in the eye, then kneeing in the jaw the most amazing boy in the world.

but upsides - i have finished my degree bar exams! and i got some excellent shoes and vest.

Happier Times

Yay getting back into sketchin! quick one of my back... hard to see though:

Last night was so strangely fun. I dressed up wearing my mum's chanel frack pants with boots and went to a crazy student "unclassifiable art" exhibition with my girlfriends. I think peole thought I was a bit of a fruitcake. There was a cat den amongst other strange things. Totally the epitome of what you'd imagine wanky experimental art to be (picture androdgynous couple beating on a drum, tapping on a keyboard and chanting strange things into a microphone while huge cats flashed on the screen behind them) but still kinda fun.

We then rollercoastered to Sister Bellas where I ran into my exboyfriend with his exgirlfriend before me- ironic because my boyrfiend after him (now ex) is too hanging out with his ex before moi again.. and I did the dumping both times and am totally lonelyyyy.  Finally we went over the bridge to Altona to retrieve my dad's hat. We were so scared we were going to get shot, we kept screaming every time we reached a dark street haha! I drove home alone and saw a fox carrying a swan right next to Albert Park lake.. crazy.

Today the only thing that got me through work was people's admiration of being able to pull off my new fav thing- tops backwards. Today I wore a cardigan backwards. It was fun.

So in order to cheer up I decided to stay in home alone on a Thurday night and buy myself Pad Thai (my new obsession) and ate what was evidently a meal for 2 as they gave me 2 sets of chopsticks. Best ever. Then I watched a bit of Blue Velvet and danced around my room to spastic music such as whatchadoin.. best medicine ever! And just in time for the weekend.... dum dum dummmmm

 

terrible tuesdays

I wish there was a support group with a buddy I could call each time I get the idiotic urge to go to Revolver. They will be prepared for it, whether it be 11pm or 11am, and they will remind me that not only is it filled up with the most undesirable people on earth, I inevitably smell from the night before, I don't need to waste the money, the music is shocking, and running into people there is never okay. And, above all, if they could remind me exactly how soul destroying the following day is.

Upside: big weekend weight loss- stems yeww!

On a sunny day we picniced in the park and were joined by a girl who ate all our chocolate spiders and salt and vinegar chips.

Friday night I met an Albanian bartender with a lovely smile. He asked for my phone number. He has now called around 20 times. F.R.E.A.K.

In other news! Last week I finally saw the Dali exhibition which was amazing. I was so lucky my friend was too sick to come in the end, because I got picked out by a security guard to skip the line and enter for free! For those who missed it they must watch the collab between Dali and Disney- magnificent

 My last bit of news is that I completed a folio course in prep for my application to interior design. It turned out to be the prep class for the tafe course but it was still so great to get back into the creative frame of mind.. crappy quality photos

WHAT IS THE ISSUE HERE???

I'd like to know why it keeps happening to me that guys will act really interested, and we'll be together, and then they just stop talking to me. And when I make an attempt at speaking to them it just gets shut down. When NOTHING has happened. 4 in a row now. And I haven't changed. And nothing's happened. The least they can do is give me an explanation i.e. "I have turned A-sexual" or "I found someone else".

everyonejust love each other! fuck!

Dont know about you, but I'm un

Ghost detective work update: Okay so my friend who's house I'd been in and totally got the jibblies from and then I later found out her sister sees ghosts there, well she's convinced she actually saw 2 the other night. NO.

Saturday night I went to a party. It was a birthday party. First we drank cocktails and ate. Then we played pass the parcel. Then we ate MDMA, opened presents and lit the cake. Then we ate mushrooms and broke into a construction site and sat on a platform at the top looking over the city. Then we chatted, djed, danced, drank more, etc. Then we ate pills. Then we went to Revolver which was horrific. Then we went to Altona, drank more, and i lay on a bed until evening learning someone.

In other news, today I went to book and they told me there were no appointments for 2 weeks, but I could do it right then and there. Sorry Grandma..

Bobby.

Scorpio Sagittarius. Pluto Jupiter.

I need all the friends I can get

Post essay time and i've been so lucky to have been contacted by old and new friends who do want to hang out, despite a few days of me being sure i have no friends. Flat times, loneliness, and the inability of me to be the one to initiate catch-ups. Now- ridiculous amount of eating and drinking out. Broke but happy.

Love love love to everyone who has seen me <3

Infatuation with this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAwR6w2TgxY

essay procrastination

"Hey Man."
Things I am scared of at the moment:

• Gossip (specifically, people thinking I am a sluz when they haven't actually thought it over or spoken to me. Guys are such girls it's a joke)
• Ghosts (Well obviously- still haven't seen one though thank God)
• Gynocologists (I know thats graphic but I've had an appointment pending for like 2 years and they're sending me LETTERS goddammit with BIG WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!)

Anyway I ran out of G things.

It is spring now. Here is my artistic representation of it. The first is on the 31st of August and the 2nd is on the 2nd of September.

ghosts.

I know this is going to sound crazy but an incredible amount of people belives in ghosts.

It all started after for the 2nd time in my life a friend confided in me that they see them (different person to the first). I consider both of these friends to be logical, non-compulsive liar types, so granted that kind of freaked-the-shit out of me especially as I usually can't sleep if I hear stories about ghosts, watch tv shows about ghosts, or if I'm alone at my mum's when the myterious un-locatable doorbell plays Fur Elise.

So detective A-Knew-Sh-Car got on the case (like an idiot) and I've had a horrifically creepy amount of stories told to me and even my Mum, Dad and brother who I thought would laugh in my face (They're all ultra intelligent, logical people) ALL AGREED that they also sometimes feel weird in certain places like there's *something* there, and that they don't disbelieve.

Well what the hell am I supposed to think now?!?!!? I'm going through everday life with the heebie jeebies that at any moment a ghost is going to appear near me. As I told one of my friends, I really hope they don't, because I'd very likely go insane.

It's only creepy if you make it creepy.

This week I keep waking up in the night and being really confused and freaking out as to whether there's someone in my bed or not. Most nights I jump right out of bed. It ends with me having to tell myself aloud that no one is there. Why. Mega eye rings and lecture napping ensue.


Identity crisis 20yrs9months:

Lots of people who I always thought were cool... well, it actually turns out that they're huge douchfags.
But on the positive side, I've decided I don't think a real "cool" exists. It's too subjective. Just like attractive people. They don't have to actually be BEAUTIFUL or HANDSOME for you to be attracted to them

Although any guy in black jeans black teeshirt black wayferers I am sold in both cool and babe. Also girls who pull off like mix between "scene" and "boho" perfectly make me want to copy them and i girl crush on them.

Although my parents were amazing.

I. Get. Around.

ALRIGHT. i'm posting because a few people tonight said i should make a blog and it reminded me that i have one but its shit and i'm 100% sure no one actually reads it except me.

i have a lot to say.

1.) can mother nature quit the foreplay and bring on spring not just beautiful glimpses of it then weather that would rival the pits of hell

^^^^^ mother nature being a cheeky bitch.

2.) i REALLY need to stop promising to have quiet weekends in then end up doing stupid things such as this (beginning of the carnage that was my weekend)

3.) this is irrefutibly the best meal there is. i eat it so often it's embarrassing. Mizu on Greville $11 bento + i think like $5 for the gyoza. bento is more than enough but gyoza are my vice.

4.) the whole concept that girls get emotionally attached and guys don't is a vicious lie. VICIOUS. whoever made that up was obviously a guy. maybe i'll write a book called men are from venus and women are not as lame as them.

5.) speaking of lame can the guy i'm actually interested in just fall in love with me already? Waiting is boring and depressing and makes me analyse my nose too much and wonder what haircut would transform me into 50 times more attractive than I am. While nothing is happening i'm creepily patient and hopeful with these things and pretty good at stalking and will likely not tire until the next 'infatuboy' enters my life. story. of. my life. god i'm a gigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantic loser.

6.) in the MEANTIME------- i actually have REAL news. tonight i cried for the first time since february. oh god i totally just did again it's like a LEAKING FAWCETT NOW!!!!!!! fawcett? anyway interesting that my weekend goal was to force myself to cry through like 85 romantic tradgedies and then it happens from my life as it is.

And you know why random bored people slash myself in 2 weeks? because I finally stopped being in denial of the fact that i HATE STUDYING PSYCHOLOGY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MELBOURNE because its DRY and I have to do this all this stuff I DON'T WANT TO DO. and because I don't want to / don't do all the shitty, dry, boring readings I don't do well in my "research reports" and thus hate myself which is so lame. SO lame.

So you know what. I'm going to follow my heart, drop it, and I think do interior design. Then again this is stemmed from my love of getting really bored and either decorating my room or if my mum is out of town throwing parties entirely revolved around a theme I've decorated the house in. I NEED TO BE CREATIVE GEGJIHWQKJWQBKWJBQ#WK:JBQWQ

Here you can see branches in my room, random cool light, a record, pictures and musical notes I stuck all over my walls when i couldn't sleep one night. now i also hang that fur vest from my main light because it adds to the ambiance. trust me.

My QM assignment due in 9 hours still isn't doing itself. Hate my life.

Sexanddrugsandrockandroll

daydreaming

Sometimes I get kind of concerned about the fact that I tend to daydream about 70% of an average day. Then I also dream heaps at night. But seriously, the amount of time I am more than happy to just walk through the city listening to music just "looking" or sit somewhere picking at split ends thinking about my life and what would be nice to happen and such is quietly scary...

I also really like flavoured full cream milk. Especially ice mochas with weak chocolate, banana smoothies, and strawberry milkshakes. I do not however, like plain milk. Then again I haven't tried milk since about year 2. Hmm. She had problems with drinking milk and being school tardy.

I think women look sexy nude (photos) and men look really stupid. I never look when a guy's naked near me. It displeases me greatly. The ones I've seen just look really silly. But I'm definitely hetrosexual. (Weird?) They do however look quite lovely in underwear.

The following are my favourite signs of all time.

Japan

Diary 15/7/09-
"I. am. so. tired. but. so. in. love. with. this. country."

windy days in parks. numerous torii. best sushi you could ever imagine. cutest children on earth. stranger kindess. green tea. falling in love with foreigners. geisha spotting. street wandering. zen rock gardens. forests. mountain hiking. tears. laughter. black sesame ice cream. tame deer. waterfalls. fried oysters. shrines. paper cranes. sake. sunsets. black sand baths. outdoor onsens in the nude. tatami mats. futons. butterflies. sweat. internet cafes. art and design. hostels. ryukans. hotels. harajuku girls. daikanyama boys. fake eyelashes. train naps. never ending hangovers. 7 & iholdings. vending machines. ramen. aeroplanes. trains. dreams.